Are you trying to change your partner to make yourself feel better?

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Have you noticed that the harder you try to help your partner the more frustrated you feel?
Have you ever reflected how you’ve learnt the most important things of your life? Do you remember how the more your mother used to ask you to not do certain things the more you felt prone to do them?

One of my biggest insights in life has been that everyone has their path and their own personal pace to learn things, all of us need to experience life through trial and error and none of what people can advise to us is as important as going through our own experience by ourselves! Have you ever considered how selfish that is? You go about your life, you experience your contrast, you try and make mistakes, you make your own conclusions, lessons and choices out of your own experience and then you go and say to the people who you love the most don’t do that or do the other thing, or do that this way because I already had my own experience and I don’t want you to have your own one! Did your partner ask you for help by the way? Because what belief would you need to have about your partner’s capability of doing certain things for you to go and give them unsolicited advice? And don’t miss this: if you are a female, how do you think that this habit of giving unsolicited advice to your partner is affecting his masculinity? So later on when you are in bed and he is ready to play with you and you feel like if you were hugging your lovely son in your arms… how did you contribute to create that experience for yourself? Just wondering… Or if you don’t seem to feel attracted to them any more.

Remember! The best way to help others is to let them experience their life and to be there for when they are ready to ask for your help, if they need to! Of course, that takes acceptance and trust… and that is another article for another day!

Now, having said that, a strategy that we use is to share how we´ve felt in general in our relationship. We choose Sunday evening and we have a meet up in the lounge and talk about how we could improve ourselves individually and our relationship. When are you going to have your meet up with your partner?

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