Which is your consciousness barometer? How do you know that you allow your partner to hypnotise you whilst you are still conscious with attention, emotion and repetition of whatever they’re telling you? Exs. “You’re a liar; You’re selfish; What’s wrong with you?; You talk too much…” Have you ever noticed when you fall into that trance state where you lose your conscious awareness and you are at the mercy of your partner until the pain is so deep that you can take it no more. How are you going to be in control of your consciousness so you keep your power with you?
A pattern that I have observed in countless couples is that when they have arguments they’re focussed on what they are not getting rather than on what their partners are not getting or on how they can support their partners as they raise complaints. And whilst it’s true that there are certain ways of talking like raising the voice or calling somebody names that should not be accepted, something that I always recommend my clients is to consider that the person who is complaining during the argument is not your partner but the part of them who needs to be healed and the complaint is not such but a genuine help call to heal the wound of that younger self within, still waiting to understand something, still waiting to process a past experience, still waiting to hear an apology, still waiting to be acknowledged… and all we do is to unconsciously react back to those complaints rather than being in our hearts and choosing to consciously respond with love, wonder and curiosity for what our partner is needing at that particular time, with understanding, with acceptance for where our partner is at the moment. If we did that, how much would we be able to influence our partner and transform our relationship into a magic one! But what we do is to unconsciously react and fight back, defend ourselves, focus on our own needs, take things personal, get distant…creating resentment and anger so we keep enhancing our relationships challenges by perpetuating our past traumatic experiences instead of healing them with love. Of course, we can’t help our partner if we don’t help ourselves first. What actions are you taking to make yourself feel at your top 10/10?
How are you going to choose to respond next time that your partner comes complaining or raising something that needs to be resolved? Are you going to choose to react from your head and perpetuate the dynamic by focussing on what you are not getting or are you going to choose to hold the space for your partner and send them love and understanding with a hint of wonder and curiosity for what they are needing at that particular moment by moving from your head to your heart?
By the way, whether you choose or not choose any of this you will be choosing so after reading this article you are not allowed to complain about arguments with your partner anymore! Stop talking and start honouring your feelings and taking action!