Are you being ABUSED or MANIPULATED?

From the work that Matt & I do with couples, we have extracted the Top 7 most common manipulative patterns that you can encounter in an intimate relationship. How can you tell if you are being ABUSED or MANIPULATED?

Read and reflect on the level of integrity of your partner and by the way, don’t forget to reflect also on the level of integrity of yourself with yourSELF as well as with your partner! You could also have these traits!

Are you ready to face if you are being ABUSED or MANIPULATED? Or if maybe you are the one abusing and manipulating?



“You made me do this! After all, I´ve done for you, how can you treat me like this?” “How come it´s okay to help them and not me?” They know how to push your buttons to manipulate you in the direction they want. and also the can make you feel guilty to get what they want and feel responsible for their feelings and needs.


“You don´t know how to do anything, I have to show you!“ “How come your teeth are bigger than your teats?“ They always need to be right which by implication you have to be wrong! They believe that they are more attractive, and intelligent, and they think that they deserve listening and respect from others more than anyone. They love exaggerating their achievements, even your achievements as if they were theirs! And of course, they will blame you for their mistakes and they will justify anything they do! They are completely unable to say sorry! Superficially confident, charming and charismatic. They can even be caring and modest in public but then in private they are cold and manipulative and have no empathy at all!

The MOODY partner

This type drains your energy as They are in weather-like moods where you never know how they are going to be from one moment to the next! They give you vibrations that there is something wrong that you need to figure out. You keep wondering “what have I done wrong now to upset them!?” They use their moodiness to control and manipulate you through fear of their moodiness and hope of their good mood. Emotional blackmail. Isn´t it?


When they are not happy they express their anger about things indirectly rather than coming upfront and talk about it. When you ask them something they reply being sarcastic as if they are happy whilst their tonality of voice is saying all completely the opposite! They deliberately make mistakes, give short or one word answers when you speak to them as an indirect way of expressing their resentment.


“But what do you think you are doing? Why did you do that?“ They ask you questions but don’t really want to listen to you. They don’t actually even want the answers! Have you ever been insulted or belittled by someone and not known how to respond? That’s when you know that you are being abused and manipulated. You only thought of a clever comeback when you felt safe later somewhere else… They have the uncanny ability to produce in you a state of profound fear and deep uncertainty that stops you from thinking clearly as you become all emotional! This partner knows how to manipulate you with the things that they know are important to you, and can steal any possible sense of confidence and self-esteem left on you after a while of being with them. They enjoy the attention that they get through their behaviour or a sense of status. Their own needs and wants are the only important ones! The angrier they get the more right they believe themselves.

The KNOW-IT-ALL Partner

They have an opinion on every subject regardless of whether they actually know anything about it. That’s why they are only speakers, not listeners because of their excess wisdom. Also, this kind hides what they don’t know and when they learn something they pretend that of course, they knew it already! Because they know everything you don´t know anything by implication which makes you feel down. Also signs that he or she manipulates you.

The NEEDY Partner

They are unbelievably exhausting and emotionally and energetically draining to be with or deal with. After a while hearing their moaning and complains about things you start feeling depressed. Every day they have a new problem that they are eager to tell you all about. They try to make you feel guilty for not helping them enough. They make it all about themself so you can never have a conversation with them. Their self-obsessed behavior can even make you vomit. They are constantly seeking help and attention from you like if they were addicted to it.

Which qualities did you identify in your partner, that show he or she is abusing you?

Now, you may have probably realised that you can find several traits of the different manipulative profiles in the same person and it is actually the most common thing. Are you being abused and manipulated? Be aware that you could also have all or some of these traits so don’t fall into the trap of blaming but into the ownership. 1️⃣ If you resonate with any of this, 2️⃣ If you´ve come to terms that enough is enough, 3️⃣ if you are like me and know that you deserve more and are super determined to dismantle all this and enjoy the love and respect that you know that you deserve. Then contact us to tell us your situation and step into your path to freedom!

You can put your relationship to the test now, with our interactive online tool to see where your relationship is working well and to identify key areas for improvement: