As a relationship therapist and coach, I’ve seen firsthand how knowing these bumpy patterns is the secret to smooth sailing in love.

Love, intimacy, friendship, and passion—they light up life and make everything worthwhile. Research confirms what we all feel deep down: it’s who we love that truly matters, far beyond the hustle of daily grind or material possessions.

Yet, many clients come to me and Matt struggling in their search for meaningful connection—either battling to maintain love, hoping to find “the one,” or tired of falling for the “wrong” person again and again. That’s why recognizing some classic relationship mistakes matters.

Here are the 7 most common mistakes I see in my relationship coaching and couples therapy sessions—and how you or your clients can sidestep them.

1. Chasing Love Too Desperately

It’s easy to feel like time is running out and rush into relationships with anyone who shows interest. But trust me, wanting love isn’t the same as wanting the right love. I once worked with Dana, who was so desperate to “find a mate” that she settled too quickly, only to wake up months later feeling mismatched and disconnected.

Desperation pushes people away—it’s a major relationship repellent.

What to do: Relax into the journey. Like the song says, “You can’t hurry love.” Encourage yourself to examine your readiness and be patient, trusting the process of finding a partner who truly fits.

2. Repeatedly Picking the Wrong Partner

As I often remind clients, doing the same thing expecting change is insanity. Some get caught in patterns, unconsciously attracted to “types” that don’t serve them well.

Dave, for example, kept ending up with women needing rescue, echoing unresolved childhood roles. By exploring these patterns in therapy, he began shifting his choices toward healthier dynamics.

What to do: Help clients identify unhealthy relationship patterns and unmet emotional needs so they can choose partners that truly support their growth.

3. Playing Relationship Games

Playing hard to get, stirring jealousy, or controlling behaviors can quickly erode trust and intimacy. Paula’s story is a familiar one—trying to make her boyfriend jealous only pushed him away.

What to do: Encourage honest, straightforward communication. Game playing may meet needs for control or excitement but ultimately damages connection.

4. Wanting Too Much Too Soon

Rushing to define commitment or lay out future plans immediately can overwhelm potential partners. One client overwhelmed his new match by sending a dozen roses after only a few chats!

What to do: Teach clients that love needs time to grow—early pressure dims the possibility of genuine connection.

5. Wrestling with Insecurity

Insecurity, frequent reassurance seeking, or demanding constant affirmation can drain love quickly. Jo’s story of asking “What are you thinking?” multiple times a date is a great example.

What to do: Help clients understand that some anxiety is normal but cultivate self-confidence and allow relationships to breathe.

6. Partner Perfectionism

When clients expect a fairy-tale partner with unrealistic standards, they risk missing out on real love. Sometimes it’s the quirks and imperfections that make a person lovable.

What to do: Challenge perfectionism and open clients’ eyes to the beauty in real, flawed humans.

7. Trying to Change Them

Trying to mold a partner into an ideal version is a common pitfall I call the “villagers and the eagle” trap. Jake’s girlfriend felt unappreciated when he kept asking her to change her appearance.

What to do: Counsel clients to embrace their partner’s authentic self. True intimacy grows from acceptance, not control.

At Aligned with Love, Matt and I bring compassion, playfulness, and deep expertise in relationship therapy, relationship coaching, and couples therapy. We help clients break free from these common traps and build strong, joyful connections.

Ready to make a change? Book a free diagnostic session with Matt and me to explore where you and your relationships stand and how we can support you on your journey. Just fill out the form on our homepage to get started. https://alignedwithlove.net/contact

Because true love deserves aligned hearts and open minds.
    Share:

    Avoid These 7 Common Relationship Pitfalls: I’ve been there…!

    “What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life—to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?” - by George Eliot from Adam Bede.

      The Twin Missing Piece: Healing Abandonment & Codependency in Relationships

      Discover how being a twin survivor and experiencing abandonment trauma can shape your relationships and sense of self. At Aligned with Love, Rebeca Perea explores the hidden impact of the lost twin phenomenon, how attachment theory weaves into your love life, and why relationship therapy, relationship coaching, and couples therapy can help heal codependency and deepen connection. Dive into playful, down-to-earth guidance that supports your healing journey—because understanding your past is the first step to thriving in love and partnership.

        Exploring The Divorce Road Map: Insights from Arabella Paul, The Divorce Survival Coach

        Hi, I am Rebeca from Aligned with Love, and I just want to have a real, honest chat about getting through divorce. If you are here reading this, my guess is that you might feel a bit lost or overwhelmed right now. That heavy feeling inside? You are absolutely not alone, I promise, and there is a way forward.