Keeping children in focus – staying together for their benefit?

Deciding whether to stay in a marriage for the sake of your children is a deeply personal and complex decision that depends on many factors. Here are some considerations to help you make an informed choice.

The question of staying together for the sake of the kids was recently in the media where it has been debated whether staying together for the sake of your children actually does more harm than good. You have probably heard of many adults who believe the household became a place of arguments and resentment before their parents divorce. Whilst this is common, many adults also believe that staying together exposes their children to a family unit that works hard to maintain their relationship and never gives up. Matt & Rebeca were even invited onto GB News recently to debate the question together with the show hosts.

Deciding whether to stay in a marriage for the sake of your children is a deeply personal and complex decision that depends on many factors. Here are some considerations to help you make an informed choice.

Communication: Try to have open and honest communication with your spouse about your feelings and concerns. Couples counselling or therapy can be a helpful resource to facilitate these discussions.

The Nature of the Relationship: Evaluate the overall health of your marriage. Are there serious issues such as abuse, addiction, or infidelity that make it unsafe or unhealthy for you and your children to remain in the marriage? In these cases, you and your children’s 

safety and well-being should be the top priority. Our research with clients found that 47 of 1,400 people felt physically unsafe with their partner, although these results are thankfully uncommon, a person should never feel threatened by their partner and this is always a good reason to end a relationship for the safety of yourself and the people around you.

Impact on Children: Consider how the current state of your marriage is affecting your children. Research suggests that children can be negatively affected by constant conflict and tension in the household, but they can also be adversely affected by the emotional toll of their parents’ separation or divorce. It’s essential to weigh these factors carefully.

Co-parenting: Think about your ability to effectively co-parent with your spouse if you were to separate or divorce. Will you both be able to maintain a civil and cooperative relationship for the sake of your children’s well-being?

Personal Happiness: Consider your own happiness and well-being. While staying together for the children’s sake is noble, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your own mental and emotional health. A healthier, happier parent can often provide better support to their children.

Legal and Financial Considerations: Be aware of the legal and financial implications of divorce or separation, including child custody, alimony, and division of assets. Consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Support Network: Evaluate your support network, including family and friends, who can provide emotional and practical assistance during challenging times.

Remember co-parenting is common and you can still maintain a strong bond with your children and your partner if you wish to do so. Parting ways could be the best way to ensure a loving and nurturing environment for your children.

In the end, the decision to stay or leave a marriage for the sake of your children is a highly individual one. It may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist, or counsellor who can provide you with personalised advice and support as you navigate this difficult decision. Keep in mind that the well-being of both yourselves and your children should be central to your decision-making process. Take our relationship scorecard to find out how strong your relationship is Relationship Quiz – AlignedWithLove AlignedWithLove

Listen to what Matt and Rebeca had to say on their live news appearance with GB News GB News on X: “‘Staying together in a failing relationship is the worst of all outcomes!’ Relationship Experts and couple, Rebeca Perea and Matthew Albiges, debate if staying in a relationship to protect the children will have positive long term outcomes for the family. https://t.co/unmvUWCYof” / X (twitter.com)

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