Three Steps to Enhanced Charisma (for MEN)

When our clients are reaching out for relationship therapy to turn around their struggling or stagnant relationship, one of the most commonly reported challenges is where it’s reported that while they get along ok, any spark or magic feels like a distant memory, they feel the lack of their enhanced charisma.

It could even be a feeling that, “hey it feels like I’m running a small childcare facility with someone whom I used to date.”

Does that sound familiar?

Is that an inevitable part of a maturing relationship, something unavoidable? Or can we take corrective action to ensure that the magic remains intact long-term?


One answer is to look at the video testimonials on our site where relationship counseling clients tell their stories of how their relationship is better than ever having worked with us!

Part of getting the relationship to work is making sure that we – each of us – is showing up in the right way which can look a different for men and women… Hence, why we split certain elements between myself working with men and the incredible Rebeca Perea working with women. We’ve also had lots of same sex couples working with us as clients too, and similar principles are at play in those relationships.

Three Steps to Enhanced Charisma (for men)

What if charisma wasn’t something that we either born with, or just have to live without… But something that we can cultivate?

So if we’re looking to keep the spark, we need to ensure that attraction is in place – and for many men this requires us letting some parts of our personality coming through more strongly.

1️⃣Be the VICTOR, not the victim!

One of the most unappealing stances we can adopt is of focusing on how unfair or difficult life is. Or maybe how hard done by we are.

“What about all these people with more opportunities than I had?”, we might ask. “What have they done to deserve success?”

Or that they are better looking, or went to a better school… Or WHATEVER!

If you have a sense that the good things in life only happen to other people how much fun does that make YOU to be around?

What kind of other people are going to enjoy hanging around with you… Other blamers, or people taking their chances and taking their life into their own hands?

How different does it feel to be standing on top of the metaphorical mountain of your life taking in the view?

2️⃣Convey your passion by enhanced charisma!

Isn’t it true that some people enter the room, and BEFORE they’ve even said anything you just know that they mean business?

And it’s not like they are imposing themselves necessarily – they just have that focus and energy of being on a mission.

And even if the mission itself doesn’t really resonate personally you have to stand back and admire. A good friend is a religious minister! Though it’s not really my thing I love seeing him in action, expressing his passion like it was the reason that he arrived in this world to share!

Can you think of a time when you felt enthusiastic about something you were doing? An activity or relationship where your whole body was taken with that sense of excitement? When you see yourself in that memory, how do you look to the people around you?

How much more appealing is it to be around people like that, versus people serving time doing something that doesn’t mean anything to them?

3️⃣Stay grounded and focus on yourself!

How do you react when things don’t go immediately according to plan? Do you get down and drift into distractions, or do you dust yourself off and get ready to go again?

What happens if we get threatened by the first sign of a conflict, and get triggered into defensiveness?

Charismatic people have this ability to holding their emotional state meaning that they themselves are influenced.

Are we able to see the funny side of our own challenges and mistakes? Or do we get quickly overly serious and defensive when we think we might look bad?


Going deeper

If this resonates and you can see how address these issues could affect YOUR relationships, reach out with a DM! See how our work with couples and individuals could support you, also GET YOUR CHARISMA ENHANCED!


You can put your relationship to the test now, with our interactive online tool to see where your relationship is working well and to identify key areas for improvement: