Having functional and positive relationships is so fundamental to our lives. It’s not only in our intimate relationship but with family, friends co-workers, and so on. When we struggle to connect well with people, we’re not able to support the people around us, and nor can we take what we need in terms of support and connection to sustain ourselves. Losing rapport with the people around us will not only stunt the development of our intimate relationship but also our career or business life too. Read this article to find out the tips on how to build RAPPORT with your partner or anyone else!
Are people going ‘buy’ YOU, if they don’t have rapport?
Or are they likely to be alienated and feel more distant?
So what’s the biggest mistake we see in how we can quickly LOSE rapport, and how can we turn that on its head and make this strategy really work for us?
‘Resisting’ or going against the grain
Something we can often observe when relationships are not working is that whatever the content of the conversation, the feeling is that two people are holding the opposite ends of a piece of rope and they are pulling in opposite directions!
It looks uncomfortable and it feels the same for the people doing the pulling.
An example shared by a client was regarding his relationship with his father, where negative comments would be picked up leading to this dynamic.
Still early in his career in financial services, when he would visit his parents his father might ask,
“So are you chairman of Barclays bank yet, son?”
Not even working for Barclays the son would they become defensive in justifying himself.
“Well give me chance, I’m starting to make some good progress…”, and so on.
In consequence the relationship would become strained and distant and there would be constant arguments.
Meeting the person where they are
So what’s the alternative? How can we maintain our boundaries, keep in a positive emotional state and deal with the person in a way that gives us a chance to BUILD the relationship rather than becoming distant?
The antidote to the ‘Resistance’, is ‘Agreement’, so let’s take a look at what this might look like in this example.
“So are you chairman of Barclays bank yet, son?”
“That’s old news Dad, I was chairman of Barclays bank by the end of my first week in the job. I never even worked for Barclays and they made me chairman, I was that good! Now they’ve made me chairman of all the banks! In fact, I don’t even work in a bank I’m an insurance broker and I’m going to be chairman of the insurance companies soon too!”
Having seen the difference, which approach leads us to having better rapport with the other person?
Which lets us connect and potentially influence more powerfully?
Working on our Emotional State
The reason why we may find it difficult to IMPLEMENT this approach consistently is that we are not in a sufficiently good emotional state. If we are already feeling down or negative about where we are, it’s very difficult to maintain the energy to meet the other person in this way.
So, if you want to learn more tips and tricks on how to build RAPPORT with your partner or anyone else, this is one of the key areas that we work in our programs. If this resonates in terms of ANY relationships that you have, comment or DM me and we can get on a call!
You can put your relationship to the test now, with our interactive online tool to see where your relationship is working well and to identify key areas for improvement:
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