Relationships can be the biggest source of our joy but also the biggest pain in some sensitive places🤨 What you think?! Have you ever found yourself drifting apart from your partner without realising it? This is how when you get to understand the signs and to know how to reconnect you can get the closeness back and reignite the intimacy, don’t forget that one… hehe!😉

What Does Growing Apart Mean in a Relationship?

When couples grow apart there is always a general pattern and that is that they gradually start losing their emotional connection with each other just as well as the physical intimacy. Silently they start drifting apart and becoming more flatmates than a loving and well-functioning team where they both may be living in the same building having parallel and separate lives rather than sharing one. This can naturally happen over time due to different reasons and it is critical to be able to identify it and address it as soon as possible because when the gap is too wide some people decide to leave the building rather than repair it because it becomes cold, uncomfortable, smelly, undesirable… Do you get the picture?🥺

Why Do Some Couples Grow Apart?

As I was saying, here are some of the factors why most couples can grow apart:

Life Changes

Changing jobs, moving houses, cities, becoming a parent, or a physical illness can cause major stressors and to shift priorities that can end up creating distance if the couple is not in a good emotional state. 

Lack of Communication

If having meaningful conversations is not made a priority, then the possibilities of having misunderstandings and making assumptions can increase. 

Routine and Complacency

Predictability, routine and monotony can lead to a lack of excitement and to a loss of spark for each other. 

Unresolved Conflicts

When issues are not addressed it is guaranteed that resentment is going to take place sooner or later which will have a negative effect on the emotional connection. 

Personal Growth

It is important to keep reviewing the partners’ interests and values because over time people can change and the individuals that met 10 years ago are not the same individuals of today so this could cause them to evolve in different directions. 

6 Signs You're Growing Apart in a Relationship

Lack of Trust

Trust can definitely be the cornerstone of any relationship. Have you ever found yourself doubting your partner or feeling that they doubt you? That is a red flag! Past betrayals or a lack of transparency can be the root of trust issues, and they need to be addressed promptly.

Lack of Communication

When it comes to understanding each other’s needs and feelings, maintaining a healthy communication is critical, otherwise conversations can become superficial or rare which points at an increasing emotional distance, like living in the same building but having separate lives. Sounds familiar? At some point one of them or both may realise that the conversations have become more flat and they are talking less and less about their day.

Lack of Intimacy

A strong bond in a loving relationship involves having both, physical and emotional intimacy. When partners start noticing that the quantity or the quality of affection, the physical touch, or the sexual intimacy have decrease they can keep getting by without this or they may call this out but what is guarantee is that this will cause them to keep growing apart, further and further because intimacy issues often reflect deeper emotional disconnects.

Lack of Connection

Have you ever found yourself spending time together with your partner but without really engaging with each other? More like roommates than like lovers. When people lack shared interests or activities a lack of disconnect from their partners is usually the reason. 

Lack of Effort

Have you ever felt that you are making all the effort in the relationship and if you stopped caring for the relationship no relationship would be possible, at least with that partner? Did you feel neglected or unappreciated? An example of this could be not celebrating milestones or neglecting small gestures of love.

You Stop Talking and Being Excited About the Future

Healthy partners love celebrating together. In this sense, planning and dreaming about the future together is enjoyable and exciting rather than a chore that you have to do. When partners no longer talk about their hopes, their dreams and their plans, this might be indicating a loss of interest in sharing the future together.

How to Reconnect and Come Back to Each Other

If you want to reconnect with your partner you need to be intentional to be willing to take action working together as a team. These are some of the steps that you propose to bridge the gap:

Talk to Each Other

The very first step which is critical is to have honest and non-reactive communication with your partner about how you feel and what you need. Having heart-felt communication where you understand each other’s emotions is paramount to address the root causes of the distance.

Take Time to Spend Time Together

Moments of quality time together are key to rebuilding the bond together. Making this a conscious decision and an intentional action is a critical love-changing move in your relationship dynamic if you want to shift gears. This in practice could be planning night dates in the calendar, organising weekends away, or making special parties at home like barbequest in the garden.  

Try Something New Together

Bringing fun challenges to the relationship can reignite excitement and interest again. Starting new activities, hobbies, learning new things together like dancing or learning a language can spark fresh memories and strengthen the connection together. 

Get Professional Help

In any case, allowing ourselves to be guided by a professional relationship therapist can be the wisest decision, not only to gain valuable insights and tools but also to keep accountable to implement them. More often than not people have blind spots and unconscious loyalties with members from their family system which prevents them from implementing which lead them to sabotage the relationship unconsciously. Also, when the issues are deep rooted people often need a facilitator of difficult conversations.

Continuous input, initiative and commitment from both partners is a must to enjoy a loving relationship without it feeling like it is an effort. Being able to identify the red flags of growing apart as well as taking intentional steps to reconnect with each other can be of great help for both to ride through challenging moments coming out stronger. Whereas every relationship has its ups and downs, with patience, nurturing and dedication, everyone can reignite the spark and continue to grow together if they really want to.